Log in

10 August 2014 @ 04:24 pm
Around me; a timeless bomb
Carefully threading, afraid of tripping
Shards cut me anyway and I bleed
No one else sees
My soul eats away, day by day
Only the minuscule lit by you remains.
An irony that is not lost on me
Or the pain and hurt that haunts my dreams
Nightmares cut my sanity
Fear feeds by sadness
Now, I have only a darkness
That you set fire to;
Lighting the way while
Bewitching, manipulating, destroying
Tags: ,
Current Mood: sadsad
26 June 2014 @ 04:45 pm
Is it possible to feel so utterly contented just by sitting next to someone that you trust wholeheartedly?

"We're five feet apart and you might not even be consciously aware that I'm here, or that the reason I'm secretly smiling is because you make my insides go crazy while at the same time, you give me such a strong sense of security. Perhaps it's too early to say, but somewhere along the past one year of knowing you and being your friend, I've learnt to believe in your care and protection. It's not something that you show overtly or make known out loud, but rather something that I've come to sense and realise. I want to continue denying it, but it gets so much harder as the days pass by. I want to stop believing in it because I don't want the disappointment to set in when the sun comes up, but for once, everything feels so real and absolutely wonderful that I really can't bring myself to turn away from this. I know that I'll have to nurse the cuts and bruises when the time comes to say goodbye, but for now, I'll enjoy this little piece of happiness that I've undeservingly been given."

My feelings may not yet have been reciprocated and I may not have experienced love yet, but right now, I wouldn't trade what I have for anything else in the world. Cause this strong sense of security, trust and protection is nothing like I've ever felt before and not something that I think I'll ever experience again in my life. It just feels... right somehow; like I'll never be able to find it in anyone else in this world.

Which brings me back to that one point I keep having to remind myself of; he and my brother both are setting me up for real disappointment when I actually date someone. Really doubt that whoever it is that I end up with would be able to match up to the two of them, especially him.  
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: 小酒窩 , 林俊傑 ft 蔡卓妍
31 May 2014 @ 02:59 pm
"At the crossroads, I have only two routes to choose from. Before, I couldn't face the path I know that I should be walking down because I was addicted to you and all the feelings you evoked in me. You draw me in so unknowingly; like a moth to the flame of a candle on the coldest of nights. And I can only fight helplessly against that pull."

Despite what I thought initially, you're probably not it for me. If I'm the only one that felt the deep connection and dam of chemistry pushing against the concrete barrier between us, then perhaps everything that I've been feeling is just a figment of my imagination.

I know that everyone's been telling me that so much can happen within a few years and that maybe in a few years, things might change. But I'm not going to let myself fall for you ever again. There's no cheesy/cliche reason for that- the conclusion I came up with last night was that I've gone and developed feelings for you, became your good friend and realized that we're not compatible and that we probably work better as good friends. So yes, that's what you'll be to me henceforth; just a great friend that I'll always cherish and hold dear.

It'll do wonders for my focus and concentration too; I can finally stop trying to find ways to get you to notice me and to be around you. /shakes head/ This is another reason I can't bring myself to continue liking you- it's too draining mentally and emotionally. I've done this once and made the mistake of committing it a second time for God knows what reason. No one is worth this amount of time and energy seriously; having to be careful of everything I say and do just because I want you to have a good impression of me and ecetera.

Screw this. I'm going to stop all this nonsense and just focus on myself for awhile. No more boys and boy troubles and heartache and tears. Seriously, it's only been six months and I've already gone through an emotional upheaval. I have four and a half more years to go in Med School too LOL .___. 
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Until You, Dave Barnes
21 May 2014 @ 08:58 pm
Love is the accumulation of the lil' nicknacks from our everyday lives. Love creeps up on you in ways that you can't even imagine; it's in the jokes you laugh at together, in the secret smiles you exchange over ice-cream, in the quiet walks you take together, in the heartfelt conversations you have at the oddest of places, in the lighthearted teasing on Saturday afternoons, in the things you both love. Love is wondering just how you could feel this way towards someone so far removed from the person you thought would be your "Prince Charming" when you were four and then realizing at the worst possible moment that he is everything you want right now and would want 60 years from now.

Love is understanding that what you feel for him is not what they show in the movies; it's not just fireworks and butterflies and nervousness and passion, it's a plethora of different emotions that grow in different ways everyday. It's realizing that love in itself is a sprinkle of friendship, a touch of companionship, a cup full of faith, a teaspoon of romance, a bagful of trust, a bowl full of attraction, a handful of passion and a boat full of chemistry.

Love is being afraid of facing yourself in the mirror and at night because you don't understand why you feel what you feel. Love is the confusion and frustration and anger and heartache.

Love is him, and also you.
Tags: , ,
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
Current Music: take you away, angus and julia stone
27 April 2014 @ 05:10 pm
每天慢慢地放手,心里也一天比一天地好过。跟你将心比心,谈一谈刚刚在路上看到的花儿,偶尔两人一起用餐;也许只作为朋友是最恰当的选择。心底还是渴望着某一天能够感受到.... 唉。还是别去乱想了-那根本就是绝对不可能发生的事情。从今天开始,我也只能把这小秘密埋藏在心底了,而且对上帝祈祷你永远都不会发现这个事实。
Tags: ,
Current Mood: gloomygloomy
Current Music: 梦在手里,by Wyn
23 April 2014 @ 09:28 pm
“我明白你的回答,温柔的对话- 爱情其实没有办法。”

For once, my gut feeling is wrong.

There's always a first time for everything of course, I just wish it weren't so for this. But hey, heartaches and disappointments are part of life right? And I really should be thankful that all these happened now, rather than later when I'm even more attached.
Tags: ,
Current Mood: sadsad
09 April 2014 @ 12:43 am
"If I say that I'm in love with you,
That's wrong.
If I say that I love you,
That's not right.
But if I say that you touched the depths of my soul,
Where no one has ever seen or gone to,
Uncased the shields and uprooted the gates,
Then gently embraced the scarred insides,
Without being anything more than a friend,
Then I'll say that you're right"
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
06 April 2014 @ 01:35 am
"You're the secret I buried;
A burden I didn't want to keep.
It wasn't intentionally carried
Though it still ran deep"

I will look afar to the future that lies ahead, with only God and Medicine in mind. Perhaps I'm not meant for love, simply because I bear too many burdens that ground me and trap me. That yearning to find love has finally drained the last of its dregs away so that right now, all that I wish to do is be a better me. So instead of planning for the future like I've always had, I'll learn to truly appreciate the present like I should have from the start. You helped me to open my heart and soul to the riches of friendship and beauty and laughter and so I will try my best to help you to find that epic love you so very desire.

Side note- I've been sleeping the whole day and I STILL feel exhausted WHAT IS THIS SORCERY >(
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: I Look To You, Glee Cover
28 March 2014 @ 06:38 pm

/disclaimer- I do not own the lyrics/

As always, only the beauty and depth of the Chinese language can truly express how I feel right now
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
Current Music: 亲人-叮当
26 March 2014 @ 10:37 pm

/disclaimer- I do not own the lyrics/


I've decided to stop trying to figure out how I feel towards you or why I feel so confused all the time. It's too damn tiring and just utterly draining- what with school and everything else going on.
Tags: ,
Current Mood: pensivepensive